


Dreamer

by Mel90S



Category: SF9 (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dystopia, Angst, Established Jaeho, F/M, M/M, Oppression, Segregation, everyone will eventually make an appearance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:15:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27078682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mel90S/pseuds/Mel90S
Summary: In a world where women control all the power and men have no rights, Seokwoo has lost his last lifeline. Until he meets Juho, a man with unconventional ideas.Every day a DreamerEvery day a FighterI’m a Dreamer, DreamerI’ll be a Dreamer
Relationships: Baek Juho | Zuho/Kim Seokwoo | Rowoon, Baek Juho | Zuho/Lee Jaeyoon, Kim Seokwoo | Rowoon/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 15





	1. Numb

Thunk. Thunk. Thunk.

Seokwoo’s heart beat slowly, growing heavier with each shovelful of dirt that hit the casket, burying all of his hopes and dreams. He was being buried alive. Or that’s how he felt as the dirt filled the hole in the ground. He’d be better off dead anyway.

He thought briefly about throwing himself into the hole to join his one love in the next life.

No one would care.

They’d probably applaud him.

It would be the honorable thing to do.

But no, he was a coward. A sniveling coward who let his wife and child die. He wiped his face with his sleeve and picked up another shovel of dirt.

Thunk.

He could feel the eyes on him. Pitying. Blaming. Disgust. He knew what they thought of him.

He was a monster. He never should have been allowed to marry her. With his size, any baby of his would be too big and cause complications with the birth. It was enough of a miracle that Eunji had deigned to marry him. There was no chance that he’d have a second chance to find another woman willing to take him.

A hand touched his shoulder and he turned to look at Youngbin, his brother-in-law.

“You don’t have to do this, Seokwoo,” he said softly, “I can finish the job.”

He shook his head. He had to do this. Anything to keep busy.

Thunk. Thunk. Thunk.

He let his mind empty and focused on his task.

Shovel. Dirt. Hole. Shovel. Dirt. Hole.

He was scraping the grass now.

“We’re done,” Youngbin’s hands stilled Seokwoo’s shovel, “Time to go home.”

They walked back in silence, Seokwoo still numb and Youngbin at a loss for what to talk about.

“Shit, hyung! You’re bleeding.” Taeyang greeted them at the kitchen door. He dragged Seokwoo to the sink and started scrubbing his hands and bandaging them with clean cloths. “Now sit and eat something, you’ll need your strength before you go to see Mrs. Kim.”

“Now?” Seokwoo had been hoping that she might delay the inevitable, but of course it was not to be.

“She said as soon as you got back,” the young man confirmed, “but I think she still has guests, so eat something while you have the chance.”

He looked down at the bowl of soup and rice in front of him. Eating was the last thing he wanted to do right now, but he knew Taeyang was right. He really did not want to risk passing out in front of his dead wife’s mother, the matriarch of the Kim family.

He emptied his mind and focused on the task.

Spoon. Bowl. Mouth. Spoon. Bowl. Mouth.

Youngbin and Taeyang cast worried glances at each other. It could have happened to any one of them, but Seokwoo had been truly and deeply in love with his wife and was clearly blaming himself for her death.

“Listen Woo,” Youngbin sat down and forced his face to look at him, “You’ve got to snap out of it. What’s done is done. You need to survive now. She would have wanted you to keep going.”

“Survive,” Seokwoo whispered.

“Yes,” Taeyang acknowledged, “Whatever Mrs. Kim says, just focus on surviving.”

Seokwoo knew that his life was in Mrs. Kim’s hands. It was up to her if he ended up on the streets or working for the city or some corporation. If she decided, he could even be sentenced to jail and hard labor for life for killing her daughter. She had the final say.

He took a deep breath and stood up unsteadily. “Well, there’s no sense delaying the inevitable.” He slowly made his way to her office and knocked on the door.

“Come in!”

He stepped through and prostrated himself in front of her desk, not lifting his head once to look at her.

“Oh Seokwoo…”

He couldn’t dare to hope at the softness of the tone with which she addressed him.

“You really were a good son-in-law,” she continued, “I know it’s tradition to offer a widowed son-in-law to another daughter if available, but I think you can understand why I would have to respect my Eunjoo’s engagement to Taeyang.”

Seokwoo finally dared to look up at that. Was she really letting him off the hook? Of course, he never expected her to sacrifice another daughter to him.

“I have talked to your mother, and she is willing to take you back. You leave tomorrow on the 10 o’clock train.”

“Yes, ma’am. Thank you, ma’am.” Tears welled in his eyes at the generosity. To think that she had gone out of her way to reach out to his mother to ensure he had a place to go. He didn’t deserve it.

“It’s the least I can do,” she smiled at him, “You did make Eunji very happy.”

The next day found Seokwoo standing at the train stop looking at his ticket. Of course, he couldn’t read a word on it. Men were not permitted to learn how to read. Any man caught doing so was quickly dispatched by the police, or so the rumors went. Seokwoo hadn’t known anyone brave enough to risk breaking the law.

The train hissed to a stop in front of him, and he made his way towards the last car. He climbed aboard and grabbed one of the rails from the ceiling as the car filled up.

Twelve stops. Eunjoo had told him helpfully as he said his goodbyes that morning. He thought he’d be able to recognize his old neighborhood, but knowing the number gave him a sense of security.

He dutifully counted down the number as they hissed into each station, the doors opening and closing, letting in and letting out its human cargo.

11

10

9

8

7

6

5

4

3

2

1

Finally, they reached his stop and he pushed his way out. He paused to try to catch his bearings. He was pretty sure he knew where he was, but he could not be confident.

“Seokwoo?”

He turned towards the voice. A man was approaching him, looking up and down at him and a photograph in his hands.

“It’s you, right? Your mother sent me to make sure you found your way back safely.”

Seokwoo nodded cautiously. He’d never seen this man before. He was sure of it. Anyone would remember that large nose and intense eyes.

“I’m sorry. Who are you?” he asked the stranger.

“Juho. I work for you mother,” he squinted at Seokwoo.

Seokwoo was inwardly delighted. He had gotten used to having Youngbin and Taeyang around as companions and now he would have someone here.

“Since when?”

“Since your dad died. She decided she needed a hand around the house… Oh shit! You didn’t know. Last year. Autumn. He had a heart attack.”

Seokwoo’s heart sunk. His father was the kindest, gentlest man he’d ever known. A whole year, and he hadn’t known. But how could he have known? He had left this family for his wife’s. He wasn’t expected to ever see them again anyway.

“Come on,” Juho gestured to him to follow and led him through the streets that became increasingly familiar until they reached his childhood home.

A wave of nostalgia swept over him as he looked at the familiar façade. It looked like it had gotten a fresh coat of paint recently, and the lawn appeared much more manicured than he ever remembered it.

He was surprised when Juho headed straight for the front door. He had never used a front door unless accompanied by a woman.

Juho laughed at his hesitancy to follow, “Your mother doesn’t care what door you use. And, if I’m going to clean the front hallway, I’m gonna use it.”

A thrill went through Seokwoo to hear such a scandalous statement. He looked at Juho with renewed interest. Who was this man? And how on earth did he end up here?

For the first time in days he felt a spark of interest in life begin to grow in his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This came to me in a dream last night and now my other stories are on hold.


	2. Jealous

There is a strangeness to returning to your childhood home when you have been away for so long becoming an adult. It isn’t so easy finding your place back when all you have known of it was from a child’s perspective.

It is doubly unsettling to have a stranger invite you into your own home, lead you to your own bedroom and show you which half of the closet is yours. It’s not that Seokwoo was unsatisfied with sharing his private space, he was used to that sort of thing, but it was the way Juho seemed so much more familiar with the place than he felt.

He felt like a spectator to someone else’s life. He had no role that he could ascertain for himself. Mother was gone most of the time for work and Juho had his established routine of housework that Seokwoo was forbidden from disturbing.

Seokwoo had never seen anyone so territorial over something as simple as household chores as Juho was. He was generally a really nice guy, and Mother seemed fond of him, but when Seokwoo would try to help out, it was as if a switch in his personality had been flipped.

Juho was scary when he was angry.

Seokwoo tried just staying out of his way, not able to trust himself to not overstep the boundaries, but there was only so much mind-numbingly plotless daytime TV he could watch.

“Find yourself another wife, and then you can run your household however you want,” was Juho’s brusque retort when he tried to explain how useless he felt.

Seokwoo’s mouth dropped at the insensitivity of the statement. Juho knew that it wasn’t that simple, surely.

“Why don’t you?” he responded petulantly. He was tired of playing this game, of walking on eggshells around the man, afraid that he would accidentally pick up a dust rag or, God forbid, carry his own dishes to the kitchen sink out of habit. He couldn’t be a guest forever in his own mother’s house, could he? “What makes you think you have more of a right to this house than I have?”

There. He’d said it. There was no taking it back now. Even as he watched Juho’s face grow red and scrunch into a scowl, he pushed back against every instinct to apologize. He wasn’t the one in the wrong here. Stubbornly, he met Juho’s glare with his own, refusing to back down.

“Don’t you dare,” Juho’s voice was low and menacing as he stepped towards him, “I swear to God, if you try to take this from me…”

Seokwoo’s breath caught in his throat. There was a new emotion behind those eyes, well-masked by the aggressive response.

There was no mistaking it. Juho was afraid.

“I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it.” Only now did it occur to him that Juho might view his presence as a threat to his livelihood. “I’m not trying to replace you, I swear.”

He understood the fear of losing a stable position. Even now he lived with a constant worry that something might happen to Mother, leaving him to fend for himself. Seeing Juho’s response to this threat only scared him more. He himself had not had to experience that reality, having gone straight from his mother’s home to his wife’s and back, while Juho was at the mercy of a complete stranger.

Seokwoo barely dared to breathe as Juho studied his face.

“No cooking or any work when your mother is home,” he conceded, “and I reserve the right to redo any work you do around the house.”

“Deal.” Seokwoo was relieved to have finally made progress with Juho.

Now that a rapport had been established, Seokwoo felt comfortable addressing other issues with the man, like his snoring.

“No, I’m not sick. It’s just this nose I was born with. Here take some of these.”

Seokwoo stared at the proffered box of ear plugs, “Were you just waiting for me to say something?” He’d hardly gotten a full night’s sleep in the few weeks he’d been home due to the snoring. Well, that’s not exactly true. There’d been a few nights that Juho never made an appearance in their shared bedroom, but then he’d lain awake wondering where he was.

“I’ve had complaints before. I always keep these on hand.”

He slept in the next day, enjoying his first really restful sleep in a long time, the rainstorm outside the window keeping the room pleasantly dark and cool. The smell of Juho’s cooking stirred him to rise, and he dragged himself bleary-eyed out of bed and towards the kitchen.

He greeted Juho as he headed straight to the all-important coffee machine. The voice that responded was not Juho’s.

He screamed.

The stranger screamed.

Food flew everywhere.

Juho skidded into the kitchen.

“Oh my God, hyung! Are you okay?”

Seokwoo could not help the feeling of resentment as Juho fussed over the intruder without even acknowledging his presence.

“I’m fine,” the intruder laughed, “we just startled each other.” He met Seokwoo’s eyes with a big smile, “Hi, I’m Jaeyoon. You must be Seokwoo. Juho has told me a lot about you.”

_Funny,_ Seokwoo thought, _he hasn’t mentioned you to me._ He eyed the man suspiciously. He looked harmless enough, but what was he doing in their house, using their kitchen?

“I’m sorry, but why are you here?”

“It’s raining!” he exclaimed cheerfully, trying to wipe up the floor with a dishrag.

Seokwoo didn’t think that was a very good explanation and said so but was either ignored or went unheard as the other two men fought over whose job it was to clean up the mess in the kitchen. He sat down at the counter to watch with his coffee and a sigh. He wasn’t the least bit surprised to see Juho emerge victorious, sending his friend off to the bedroom to change into some clean clothes.

It rankled Seokwoo that there was yet another man in this city who felt comfortable enough in his house, didn’t need directions to his bedroom or instructions on how to operate their washing machine, and, worst of all, had permission to use Juho’s kitchen.

“What?” Juho asked when he saw the way Seokwoo was staring at him.

“Why does he get to cook in the kitchen?”

Juho guffawed. “No offence,” he said when he finally caught his breath, “but you’re still a stranger to me, and, honestly, Jaeyoon hyung might have earned himself a kitchen ban too, so calm down your righteous jealousy.”

“I’m not jealous,” Seokwoo huffed, “I just don’t think it’s fair that he has the advantage of knowing who I am when I don’t know anything about him.”

“Well,” Juho began slowly, “I kinda thought it was his right as my husband to know who I was sharing a bedroom with.”

Seowkwoo blinked.

“Wha-what?” he stammered, “How? I didn’t know it was possible for two men to get married.”

“It’s not against the law. Just cost-prohibitive. Your mother sponsored us – paid for the marriage license and legal expenses.”

Seokwoo was stunned. His penny-pinching, workaholic mother had done that? What had happened to her since he left home?

Jaeyoon sauntered back into the kitchen sniffing the sweater he was holding in his hands. “Babe, can I borrow this one?”

Juho groaned, but the sparkle in his eyes betrayed him. “You really need to bring back everything else you’ve borrowed. I’m seriously running out of clothes here.”

“Deal,” Jaeyoon planted a kiss on Juho’s nose.

“Wait, why don’t you live together if you’re married?” Seokwoo interjected.

“Seriously?” Jaeyoon asked.

“He’s a little sheltered,” Juho explained, much to Seokwoo’s chagrin, before answering his question. “Even if both of us were making maximum wage, we couldn’t afford rent together. That’s why most jobs offer food and shelter incentives for employment.”

“I do road construction for the city, so I live in a dorm,” Jaeyoon offered, “Not much privacy there. We just rent a hotel room for the night on payday.”

“He didn’t need to know that,” Juho blushed.

“No? But he wanted to ask. It was all over his face.”

Knowing Jaeyoon’s job brought more clarity to the situation. He wasn’t able to work when it was raining too hard, so he would come over to do any heavy lifting chores around the house for Juho. This time it was just moving furniture and heavy appliances so they could do a more thorough cleaning behind and under them.

It didn’t take very long at all with the three of them, though it might have been more efficient had Jaeyoon not been distracted every few minutes when yet another story would come to mind that had to be shared. When all the work was done to Juho’s satisfaction, Jaeyoon threw himself onto the couch and turned on the TV to catch an episode of Batman while Juho whipped up a quick lunch for them.

“I didn’t know anyone actually wanted to watch that show,” Seokwoo remarked, taking a seat nearby. “It’s so unrealistic.”

“Who wants to watch realistic TV?” Jaeyoon countered. “I want to be able to dream about who I’d be in a different world. If I had more money than I knew what to do with, would I be that power-hungry politician or Batman? It’s an interesting thought. I mean, I’d like to assume that I’d be Batman, but all of these villains have things they believe in too. What makes someone good or bad: the action or the motive? How do you compare someone with bad motives and good actions against someone with good motives and bad actions?”

Seokwoo stared at him. “You get all that from a stupid TV show?”

“Not exactly,” he admitted, “My old friend Inseong used to talk about things like that with me. I guess it just stuck around in my head.”

“Not your imaginary friend,” Juho groaned setting out a tray of food.

“He’s not imaginary. He was real.” Jaeyoon insisted with a pout.

“You told me he could read,” Juho pointed out before settling in next to his husband on the couch, “that’s not possible.”

“I don’t know. Maybe he was just making that up and pretending in front of me. I just don’t know why anyone would fake something like that.” He pulled Juho against his chest and ran his fingers through his hair. “You need to stop being jealous of someone who disappeared from my life over a decade ago. You are the one who’s here, and you’re the one I love.”

Seeing their closeness made Seokwoo’s heart ache again for what he had lost with Eunji. His eyes burned with tears as he remembered their first meeting, the night he debuted. While many other girls looked at him, she was the only one who did not even glance at any of the other young men who had reached eligible marrying age. Their eyes met, and they both knew that they were there for each other. Even now, he kept her embroidered handkerchief on him, folded carefully in his pocket, the promise she had given him that night that she would ask her mother for permission to court him.

Seokwoo went to bed that night with his head and heart full of the memories of his wife.

He woke up the next morning from a dream that he was running his hand through Juho's hair.


	3. Agitated

“I don’t like you hanging out with him so much. He’s too much of a conspiracy theorist,” Juho grumbled.

Jaeyoon laughed from his perch on the kitchen counter, “Come on, babe, Sanghyuk is harmless, and it’s not like I can avoid him, not when we share a bunk. That's what you get when you have the same family name. Anyway, there’s nothing wrong with asking questions when things don’t make sense.”

Seokwoo did not miss how his roommate’s expression tightened at the remark.

“We can’t know that, and I can’t take the chance that you’re wrong,” Juho insisted. “Just don’t get involved in any of his mess.”

“Yah! Don’t talk that way about him!” Jaeyoon slid off the counter with a huff. “You don’t know anything about him. Just because you have a good thing going for you doesn’t mean the rest of us don’t want something better.” Voice shaking with emotion, he turned quickly and hurried out of the room.

Juho stood frozen, jaw dropped, before he made up his mind and rushed after his husband.

Seokwoo knew it was none of his business, but he couldn’t help but wonder about this Sanghyuk. Deciding it was best to stay out of way of the emotionally-charged couple and driven by curiosity, he ambled out to the garage where Jaeyoon’s friend, and the cause of the conflagration, was working on Mother’s car.

The fact that he hadn’t learned how to fix the car was a great source of guilt for Seokwoo. It wasn’t that he never had opportunity, Dad had been more than willing to teach him, but it hadn’t interested him, and now he only felt regret that he had missed out on that time they could have spent together as father and son.

The garage smelled of grease and wood shavings. It smelled like Dad. What he would give to be able to see him again, to be on the receiving end of one of his warm hugs, to hear the low chuckle he emitted whenever he was amused, which had been often.

“Hey, as long as you’re here, do you mind handing me that wrench?”

Startled out of his nostalgia, Seokwoo followed the finger that was pointing out from under the car and grabbed said tool for the mechanic.

“I hope you didn’t have anything better planned to do on your day off,” he offered apologetically, handing it over.

“Nah, this is a great side gig. Fun. Beats grading roads any day. Plus, Jae’s sugar daddy is a great cook. Couldn’t turn down a chance for a home cooked meal,” Sanghyuk replied poking his head out with a smile.

“Juho?”

“Yeah, whatever his name is. Jae hyung always shares anything that guy makes for him. It gives us something to look forward to during the monotony of the work day.”

“Why don’t you work on cars for a living?” Seokwoo asked out of curiosity. It seemed such a waste that someone with such a specialized skill would end up on a road construction crew. Even among his friends growing up, only a fraction of them bothered to learn more than how to drive their mothers’ cars. “Isn’t there enough demand for mechanics?”

“Sure, but middle-class families seem to be generally covered, and the upper class wouldn’t be interested in hiring someone of my station.”

Sanghyuk crawled out from under the car and gave Seokwoo a contemplative look, “Say, you married into the Kim family, right? You ever notice how there aren’t any men in those upper-class families?”

Seokwoo stared at him in confusion. Sure, there were men in those families. He had been one of them, along with Youngbin and Taeyang and many others he had met during his time under the Kim roof. “What do you mean? Of course, there are.”

Sanghyuk chuckled, “I mean born into those families. Just think about it, do you really think that, if there were single, upper-class men, all those richy-rich girls would be slumming around the middle class trying to find husbands like you? No offense.”

Was this the conspiracy theory Juho was so scared of? Seokwoo wanted to laugh at the absurdity.

“Seriously, though!” Sanghyuk insisted, “Name me one upper-class family that has a son. I bet you can’t.”

Seokwoo thought back carefully. He had accompanied Eunji to many different events, met so many people. Could it really be true that every single man in their circles had married into their social status. Marrying up was really the only way for a man to increase his status, and he had truly hit the jackpot in that regard, as the Kim family practically ran the city.

It didn’t make any sense though. There must be some sons born. He couldn't be sure how it worked, but shouldn’t it be fairly evenly divided between sons and daughters? But, of every one of Eunji’s friends who had had a baby, that he could recall, it had been a daughter.

Eunji, though, had been so adamant that they wait to find out the sex of their baby. He remembered the day of her ultrasound well. She didn’t give the doctor an opportunity to speak before declaring that she did not want to know anything.

That day was the first clue that something might not be right with the pregnancy. The doctor had questioned her resolution several times after looking at the pictures, saying that there were options, but she would not be swayed, and that, as long as there was a heartbeat, she was having the baby.

Tears welled up unbidden in Seokwoo’s eyes at the memory.

His baby.

His wife.

The grave.

The coffin.

He’d never gotten to see his baby.

His chest tightened. He couldn’t breathe.

Was that it? Was that all that was wrong with his baby? With the pregnancy? A wave of nausea swept over him.

His voice cracked as he tried to answer Sanghyuk’s question.

“I… I think… I think _I_ had a son.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first chapter of this story was such a spur of the moment that I never plotted out the chapters, so I was not sure what scene needed to come next. Sorry about the wait. I do have a general plan, but chapters might take a while.


	4. Concerned

* * *

“You okay, man? You’re looking a bit pale.”

Seokwoo took a deep breath to try to calm his racing heart.

Was it possible that it wasn’t entirely his fault that his wife and child hadn’t survived? It would explain why Mrs. Kim had treated him with sympathy rather than condemnation.

The thought that Eunji would choose to go through with the pregnancy despite the increased risk of complications brought him to tears. He wished she would have shared the burden with him, but then again, that was well outside his role as her husband. What did he know about the things that women had to deal with? Her mother and sisters were much better equipped to help her through that particular trial.

“Here, drink this.”

Seokwoo looked at the glass of water and then up at Sanghyuk, who was holding it in front of his face.

“What the fuck did you do to him!” Juho stormed into the garage, Jaeyoon trailing close behind.

“Nothing! We were just talking.” Sanghyuk visibly shrunk back in the face of Juho’s ire.

“He was feeding you conspiracy theories, wasn’t he?” Juho turned his attention to Seokwoo, who had been startled out of his melancholic thoughts.

“N-no,” Seokwoo stammered, “he was just curious about my old life, and it – it brought up some memories. I’m fine, really!” he added, sensing Juho’s skepticism.

Juho’s eyes narrowed as he looked back and forth between the two of them as if he were trying to suss out the truth.

“Okay,” he conceded with a sigh. “Lunch is ready, if you want it.” He turned on his heel and disappeared back into the house.

“Damn, hyung, your husband is scary,” Sanghyuk let out a deep breath he’d apparently been holding.

Jaeyoon laughed, “It’s all an act. Believe me, he’s just a big teddy bear. Although,” he looked Sanghyuk over, “I wouldn’t press my luck by sitting in his kitchen looking like that. You’d better wash up.”

“Aye, sir!” Sanghyuk gave him a salute and took his leave.

Seokwoo made to follow, but Jaeyoon held him back. “Are you sure you’re okay?” he asked gently, “I’ve never seen him so protective about someone other than, well, me.”

A strange jolt shot through Seokwoo’s chest at the comment.

Juho cared about him. A warmth spread through his body.

“Yes, I’m good.”

The words were automatic, but as he heard them come out of his mouth, Seokwoo realized that for once, he was telling the truth. He felt a smile form on his lips.

“I’m good,” he repeated, letting the smile turn into a grin, “and hungry. Let’s go eat.” 

* * *

The next several days saw Juho being extraordinarily attentive. Seokwoo was having to get used to the fluttering sensation in the pit of his stomach every time he looked up to see Juho studying his face.

“What?” he finally asked, desperately hoping that his face wasn’t as red as it felt. “Why are you staring at me like that?”

Juho’s eyes widened before dropping to floor. “I, uh, was just trying to make sure you were okay.”

“You could just ask, and of course I’m okay” Seokwoo chuckled, amused by his roommate’s sudden awkwardness, “Don’t tell me this is still about Sanghyuk.”

The silence was all the answer he needed. Seokwoo sighed, “Seriously, Juho, what is your problem with him?”

Juho just turned on his heel and made himself busy reorganizing the pantry.

“Damn it Juho! Talk to me!” Seokwoo grabbed the man’s arm and pulled him away from his task. He caught the shimmer in Juho’s eyes before he could hide his face from him.

The pain he saw made his heart ache, and he wrapped his arms around him.

A moment and the walls broke down.

Silent sobs shook Juho’s shoulders as Seokwoo held him, unsure what else to do. He tried to imitate the way Youngbin had always comforted him and Taeyang, rubbing his back and humming in a low tone.

“I can’t lose anyone else,” Juho’s voice cracked as he broke his silence.

Seokwoo’s heart broke. He wished he could tell him that that wouldn’t happen, but he now knew better than ever how unreliable such promises could be. He instinctively tightened his embrace.

“I’m sorry, Juho. No one should have to go through that pain, let alone you.”

Juho sobbed harder. “Even if it was my fault? He’d still be here if it weren’t for me.”

“Surely that’s not true,” Seokwoo sighed and pulled him over to the couch. "Would it help to talk about it?"

The man drew a couple of shuddering breaths and looked up into his eyes. “It was when I was 18. My mother died in a fire. Somehow, I ended up as the main suspect. I had an alibi that night, but I couldn’t use it, because he was married. I begged him to reconsider, but he was convinced that, if he admitted to our affair, his family would be destroyed. Woo-Seon was my first love, and I was naïve enough to think that it would be an easy decision for him to make. He took his own life instead.”

“Oh Juho!” Seokwoo was appalled. He couldn’t imagine the pain.

Juho gave him a grim smile. “I can’t let anyone lose hope like he did. When Jaeyoon started telling me some of the things Sanghyuk would talk about on the job, it terrified me. Not that the conspiracy theories might be true, but that he might do something reckless.”

Seokwoo nodded his head, starting to understand. It was no wonder that he had reacted so intensely the other day. “I take it they found the real arsonist then?”

Juho grimaced. “No. Dad gave them a confession, because they weren’t looking anywhere else. He said he’d already lost his wife and wasn’t going to lose me too.”

Seokwoo stared at him incredulously. How was Juho able to function himself, having been through all of that? Making up his mind, he stood up and held his hand out for Juho to take. If Juho was going to make it his responsibility to protect everyone else’s mental and emotional state, then he could at least try to return the favor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this one is heavy. I mean the whole story is, but I'll give you some comic relief soon. I promise.


	5. Awakened

Seokwoo watched Juho fondly as the other man looked at their surroundings in awe.

“I can’t believe you used to live here. Jaeyoon isn’t gonna believe half of the stuff I tell him about this place.” Juho remarked.

Seokwoo smiled and shifted the stack of material in his arms to open the door to the Kim’s parlor.

Mother was already there, busy arranging her supplies, and directed them where to place their loads. Kim Eunjoo’s wedding was going to be the event of the year, and everything had to be perfect. The fact that the Kim family was still willing to hire her, after everything that had happened with Seokwoo, would go a long way in cementing her prestige as a top dress designer.

“Hyung!” Taeyang burst through the door and threw his arms around Seokwoo. “I missed you so much!”

The enthusiasm filled Seokwoo with bitter sweetness as he hugged the younger man back.

“Is Youngbin hyung around?” he asked, anxious to catch up with both of his former brothers. He needed to make the most of the time they could be together until they returned to their own disparate lives.

“He’s out with the babies,” Taeyang turned to greet Mother, “Mrs. Kim said I should come first, since Eunjoo is taking too long getting ready.”

“Perfect,” Mother motioned him over to her step stool, “this way I won’t have to hunt you down later to get your measurements.” Her tape measure flew across Taeyang’s body, displaying her skill and precision.

“I guess _you_ would know Seokwoo’s true height, huh?” Taeyang grinned mischievously.

“I’m sworn to secrecy,” she returned with a laugh. “Now get out of here, all three of you.”

Seokwoo and Juho followed Taeyang out to the back gardens. Juho let out a small gasp at the sight, making Seokwoo grin. The gardens were truly beautiful, and they had only improved since Taeyang joined the household and made them his personal project.

He quickly spotted Youngbin over by the fountain, playing with his two little girls.

Nabi, the older of the two, ran up to greet them as they walked down the path.

“Uncle Woo! Uncle Woo!” she lisped, grabbing a hold of his hand, “come see the baby kitties!”

She shrieked in delight as Seokwoo swung her onto his shoulders. He pushed down the feelings that attempted to overtake him, as he was reminded of the loss of his own child, and greeted Youngbin with a smile.

If Seokwoo had been worried about Juho feeling awkward in this environment, around all the strangers, he shouldn’t have. After quick introductions, Juho joined the girls in playing with the kittens, relieving Youngbin of the duty of making sure none of them died.

Youngbin leaned back with a sigh, “I don’t know how many times I’ve had to remind them to be gentle, since we discovered the kittens in the greenhouse last week. I feel like I suddenly have seven children.”

“If anyone can raise seven kids, it’s you,” Seokwoo assured him, “At least the cats will be able to take care of themselves sooner rather than later.”

“True,” Youngbin laughed, “and I can give away the kittens, whenever I want,” his eyes crinkled in amusement. He stood up and stretched, “Excuse me, I’d better put those little monsters down for their nap.”

“I’ll help,” Seokwoo offered. He rounded up the girls, satisfied that Juho was sufficiently occupied with Taeyang’s conversation. He had concerns to discuss with Youngbin.

“Do you know anything about how the sex of a baby affects pregnancy?” Seokwoo asked, quietly after they’d tiptoed out of the girls’ bedroom.

Youngbin gave him a confused look, “I can’t say I know much of anything about pregnancies. Eunja didn’t talk about it much with me other than complaining about nausea and muscle aches. Why do you ask?”

“Uh, someone said something to me about how there didn’t seem to be any men born into the upper-class families like the Kims,” Seokwoo explained, “I was wondering if there was some sort of increased risk involved or something like that… If it might explain Eunji and my…” he trailed off, unable to continue.

“I’m sorry,” Youngbin took his hand, “I wish I had answers for you. I really wish I did.”

“I know,” Seokwoo slid down the wall, “I just miss her.” He let out a dry laugh, “I don’t know if it’s that the place she left in my heart is looking for something, anything to fill it, but I’ve been having these feelings about Juho… I’ll be thinking about Eunji, and the next thing I know, it’s him. I know he’s completely unavailable, but… I don’t know, maybe I’m going crazy.”

Youngbin lowered himself to eye level and gazed at him intently. “Have you ever felt this way before?” he whispered, “about another man?”

Seokwoo’s eyes dropped to the floor as he shook his head. “No, only with Eunji.”

He felt Youngbin’s hand brush past his cheek as the other man lifted his chin to look at him.

“Let me try something,” Youngbin’s voice was soft and low in the moment before he pressed his lips to the corner of his mouth.

Instinctively, Seokwoo turned to meet the kiss, melting into its pressure and softness. All thoughts left his head as he sunk into the feeling of his hyung’s lips. A warmth blossomed in his chest and spread throughout his body.

“So?” Youngbin asked in a husky voice as he pulled away, “Does that clarify anything for you?” He let out a soft chuckle while Seokwoo tried to regain his senses.

“Ah, hyung,” he groaned, “how are you so good at that?”

Youngbin reached out a hand to pull him up and gave him a wry smile, “I guess I’ve just been thinking about it for a long time now.”

“Oh.” He was sure his ears were red at that confession.

Seokwoo turned and headed back down the hall. It was a lot to process, and he couldn’t think of his former brother-in-law that way.

At least not now.


End file.
